Shakespearean Quotations
by Shadow Wasserson
Summary: In which Papyrus watches a classic movie and reads some quality literature. It's all fun and games until someone loses their head.


_A/N: Undertale is not mine, nor are the other works of fiction referenced herein._

* * *

 **Shakespearean Quotations**

"LOOK, BROTHER! A HUMAN MOVIE!"

Sans jolted awake from his spot on the couch to the sight of his brother waving a dvd case in front of his face. "wha-"

"A HUMAN MOVIE! WITH SKELETONS IN IT! AND SANTA!"

Sans yawned. "that's great, bro. we can watch it tonight."

"INDEED!" Papyrus puffed his chest out as much as he physically could. "I WILL MAKE SPAGHETTI AND POPCORN BALLS TO MARK THE OCCASION!"

"yeah. sure." Sans rolled over to continue his pre-dinner nap as Papyrus busied himself with what was certain to be an unforgettable cooking experiment, leaving the movie next to the television. Well-preserved human media was rare in the Underground, and highly prized. Those few films that tried to portray monsters were usually good for a laugh, and Sans expected nothing less from this.

* * *

 _ _"This is halloween, this is halloween, halloween halloween..."__

"hey, i think i used to see that guy at the Snowdin market. man, he's really let himself go."

"SANS, SHH! I'M TRYING TO WATCH!"

"they've got nice singing voices. is this supposed to be scary?"

"SANS! ...WHY ARE THOSE SKELETONS HANGING FROM THAT TREE, IT LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE."

"must be a yoga thing."

"OH, OF COURSE!"

 _ _"Great Halloween everybody!"__

"WOWIE, WHAT AN ENTRANCE!"

"huh, this is some quality animation. how'd they do that?"

"MAGICAL FIRE, OF COURSE!"

"right, heh, silly me."

" _ _And since I am dead I can take off my head to recite Shakespearian quotations-__ "

"WHOA! HOLD UP! HOLD UP A MINUTE, SANS! HIT PAUSE!"

Sans jolted at his brother's tone, and hit 'pause'. He looked over and saw Papyrus staring in apparent shock at the screen.

"HOW DID HE DO THAT? SANS, IS THAT A THING? CAN WE, CAN SKELETONS DO THAT?"

Sans blinked at his brother, somewhat disquieted. "what, taking off your own head?"

"YES, THAT!"

"i, uh, really don't think so."

"ARE YOU SURE? LOOK, HE'S HOLDING HIS OWN HEAD AND-"

"he's not a real skeleton, bro. he's a puppet or something."

"OKAY SURE BUT-" And here Papyrus wrapped his hands around his own jaw and jerked upwards. "OW! ARGH, HE MADE IT LOOK SO EASY-"

Sans' eyes widened in alarm. "bro? what are you doing?"

Papyrus continued to yank upward on his head. "BUT JUST THINK OF THE POSSIBLE, NGH, JAPES AND, OOF, STRATEGIC POSSIBILITIES OF KEEPING YOUR HEAD APART FROM YOUR, OUCH, IT'S REALLY STUCK ON-"

"bro. papyrus, stop, you're gonna hurt yourself..." Sans reached over and put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "it's just a movie. humans have all kinds of funny ideas about monsters, this is just another weird thing that they're wrong about."

Eventually, Papyrus stopped trying to take his own head off, and the two settled down to watch the rest of the movie.

And for a while, that was the end of it.

* * *

Papyrus stood by the reference desk in the Librarby, holding a dictionary and looking somewhat lost.

The Librarbian, a greenish reptilian with reflective round glasses, approached the gangly skeleton. "Can I help you?"

"YES!" proclaimed Papyrus. "I AM LOOKING FOR A DICTIONARY!"

The Librarbian blinked. "You're holding one."

"I NEED A BETTER ONE. THIS ONE IS BROKEN."

"Broken...?"

"IT DOESN'T SAY WHAT A SHAKESPEARE IS!"

The Librarbian blinked. "...Shakespeare?"

"YES. IT IS A THING, APPARENTLY, THAT YOU SAY WHEN YOUR HEAD COMES OFF."

"I... what? Is that something you're expecting to happen?"

Papyrus huffed and shook his head. "NO, OF COURSE NOT! DON'T BE RIDICULOUS! IT WAS IN A MOVIE, AND I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE REFERENCE."

"Oh," the Librarbian chuckled. "Ah, well, Shakespeare was an old human author... we might have a few copies of his works in the rare volumes section, but minors aren't allowed back there without an adult- wait, how old are you?"

"I'M AN ADULT!" shrieked Papyrus. "I AM OLD ENOUGH TO DRIVE!"

The Librarbian held his hands up defensively. "Okay! Sorry, I didn't mean to offend. Ahem. Anyway, please follow me." He led Papyrus into a back room with books, human books, locked behind glass. Nearly all were water damaged, and had been painstakingly dried and restored. Even so, most were missing pages or had badly smudged ink. After searching for a few moments, the Librarbian returned with a short stack of intimidatingly thick volumes.

"Not many monsters are interested in these. And I don't blame them, these books are garbage! You can hardly understand the text, even when the water hasn't ruined it! Anyway, I'd recommend keeping that dictionary on hand while you read them."

* * *

Sans was quite surprised when, instead of one of his usual picture books or puzzle manuals, Papyrus requested __A Midsummer Night's Dream__ as his bedtime story.

 _ _"now, fair hippolyta, our nuptial hour__  
draws on apace; four happy days bring in  
another moon: but, o, methinks, how slow

... paps, what is this? it doesn't make sense."

"IT'S ANCIENT HUMAN LITERATURE! I HAVE A DICTIONARY, SO WE'LL JUST LOOK UP THE WORDS THAT DON'T MEAN ANYTHING. IT WILL BE LIKE A PUZZLE!"

"uh, sure."

After slowly picking their way through __A Midsummer Night's Dream__ , Papyrus asked for __Titus Andronicus__ , a much shorter story, not least because Sans skipped most of it.

Then came __Hamlet__.

 _ _"alas, poor yorick! I knew him, horatio..."__

"WHO WAS YORICK AGAIN?"

"hamlet's old friend, i guess? i think he's dead though, maybe?"

"HE'S A SKELETON?"

"i... maybe? he apparently has a skull.. though I'm not sure if he has anything else." Sans looked down at the pages thoughtfully and got very quiet.

"WELL? GO ON."

"paps, do you understand this story?"

"YES. I UNDERSTAND THE FUNNY WORDS BETTER EACH TIME! THE EVIL KING KILLED HAMLET'S GHOST FATHER AND MARRIED HIS MOTHER, NOW HAMLET NEEDS TO GET REVENGE. THOUGH I DON'T SEE WHY THE GHOST CAN'T BE KING; THAT WOULD BE MUCH SIMPLER. ALSO YOU CAN'T BE A BORROWER OR A LENDER, FOR SOME REASON."

Sans chuckled. "yeah, that's right."

* * *

"I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, ELECT TO GRANT YOU PITY!"

The truth was, Papyrus was at his limit. He didn't want to fight anymore. This human, they had solved his puzzles and befriended the inhabitants of Snowdin. They were the first person other than his brother and Undyne to give him the figurative time of day. They had made him feel... warm, inside. Validated. Appreciated.

And, after capturing them again, he'd even made the shed into a nice cozy room for them, pity and compassion creeping into his bones. He could hardly bear to do this to them a third time.

And now, they were making him feel some other things too. Some things that weren't so nice. Some things that were... actually very painful.

But Papyrus would not give up! So what if his legs were shaking and his ribs were cracked? So what if he felt like he was about to collapse? He needed to be strong! He couldn't be weak in front of the human, that would be-

The human came at him again, and there was a tremendous impact and a sound like a tree branch breaking, an enormous * **CRAK***.

The world spun and tilted, and-

There was no time to think. He reached out reflexively, felt gloved hands cradle his face, and-

He felt strange, fuzzy, dizzy. But he couldn't be weak, in front of the human. He was fine, just like in that movie, just like in that book.

He could see the human, standing at an odd angle, fists hanging by their side. They looked... surprised.

He was going to be fine, he could still- he could- recite Shakespearian quotations. That's what you do.

"ALAS!" he cried. "POOR PAPYRUS!"

At least he still had his head.


End file.
